Wombat 100 (or “Played like a Fool”)

So, the email goes out, “Who’s doing the Wombat 100?”. Before long the discussion’s in full swing. “How about accommodation?”, “Who’s driving?” etc. It all sounded good until Will started spouting some rubbish about not paying extra for the elite entry. With the team’s interests in mind I went and put my entry in, forcing the issue. This seemed to put an end to the argument and I forgot about it for about a month.

Imagine my surprise then, less than a week before the race, when the subject came up in casual conversation and I discovered that Ross hadn’t entered! “There’s still time!” I exclaimed, but he seemed reluctant. After some mincing of words and shuffling of feet he let on that he was considering some bohemian, social cross ride instead! “Huh?! Whatever man, I’ll talk to Will.” “Nah, Will’s not going either. He’s studying.” (Yep, you read that right...)
Panicking I called Rudzki, “Dude, tell me you’re racing on the weekend!”
“Yeah man, calm down, it’s gonna be great!”
What a relief! Rudzki was my lift, I would have had to drive!

Two days later Nick and I got a very business-like email reminding us about our obligations as the team’s representatives at this event, and the penny dropped; we’d been set up. Most of the rest of the team got burnt by this race last year (it was longer than advertised, which can hurt in an endurance race). Predictably Ross and Will wouldn’t want to do it again (not being hardmen) and I was a logical choice as the fall guy having not done it before. Nick was going to be necessary collateral (and was an easy target, being the indomitable hardman that he is), and getting the rest of the team on-board with the plan was child’s play. Hook, line, sinker.

I couldn’t stay mad for long though. Nick’s endless optimism, the weather forecast, the prospect of racing on top notch singletrack and the news that Adam Llewelyn (another Kingsville local and Rocky Mountain Slayer rider) was coming too, all served to put me in good spirits. Having opted to camp at the site (because getting up at 4:30am was clearly not an option) we headed out there on Saturday evening. Showing an uncharacteristic lack of discipline, both Nick and Adam ate dinner before we left which meant they were unable to fit any Maccas in enroute, putting them at a significant disadvantage in the competition to come. Having arrived, rego’d and set up camp, we discovered there’s not much to do in the middle of a paddock, except of course arrange playlists for extended hours of partying in the saddle, so we had no choice but to get ourselves an early night.

Playlist selection and bike maintenance are activities that can be undertaken in a dark paddock.

Sometime in the early morning it started raining, with vigour, and above the rumble of droplets hitting canvas you could hear an entire paddock of people simultaneously groan, roll over, and wish they were somewhere else.

As predicted by Nick, any discussions about what time to get up which may have been had the night before were rendered moot by the arrival of ‘the early risers’. Climbing out of the tents we were greeted with a conga line of red eyed people in cars, a well sodden paddock and a sunrise that promised good things for the rest of the day. Breakfast was eaten in silent contemplation of coffee and man’s elusive ability to create fire to cook it (ie, Nick forgot the matches) and aside from some brief discussion about what to wear we quietly got ourselves together and ‘warmed-up’ over to the start line. Despite having slept one hundred metres from the line, we’d somehow managed to miss briefing and be amongst the latest arrivals at the start.

The race started fairly sensibly, with only small amounts of jostling and healthy amounts of banter, and with little to no singletrack in the first few ks the field gradually stretched out into smaller groups. Buoyed up by sunshine and maybe a little adrenaline I eased into the race by trying to ride with my betters, and promptly found myself put in a box to contemplate a hurried breakfast eaten too recently. With nearly the whole race in front of me and already hating life I mumbled some very helpful commiserations to Andy Blair who was fixing a puncture and turned my brain off for a while.

Some time later I had managed some form of recovery and had found a rhythm of sorts, only to be totally demoralised by a flying Andy, who (given his friendly manner after the race) managed even to outrun my retraction of aforementioned condolences. Nevertheless, as a few more lengths of singletrack came and went I was once more on top of the world and happily settled in to spend the rest of the first 50ks listening to tunes, rolling around short bits of singletrack and rough, steep fire roads, ignoring the patchy rain and having a generally good time.

As I rolled through the feed zone at the halfway point I picked up my bottle and another bar and had to face the fact that I still had all the food I started with. I knew this wasn’t good, so despite the objections of my breakfast I got stuck into a bar. Shortly afterwards Jenny Fay rode past, triggering a series of events culminating in me foaming at the mouth with half masticated muesli bar flying everywhere, trying not to choke and watching her ride clear out of sight.

Jenny closing in at the half way point.

Well aware that the next twenty five kilometers or so was mostly amazing singletrack that I know backwards I calmed down, cleared my airways, popped a gel (one of the exciting caffeinated ones) and hoped I could get my heart rate back to a manageable level good before ‘the good stuff’ arrived.


That worked a treat. I’ve ridden the Wombat singletrack and surrounding trails innumerable times over the years, but I’ve never had the chance to race on it before. It’s not an exaggeration to say that the hour that followed is a contender for the most fun I’ve had on a bike recently. The rain overnight and during the morning had left the trails slightly greasy, but hadn’t robbed them of their characteristic ‘reward for commitment to turns’. In short, they were perfect.

The Rocky Element's slung nice 'n' low, you can't help but commit!

The motivation of racing drives you to hold a little more speed, push it a little bit harder, brake a little later, and to top it off my music player chose this point to play several Rage Against the Machine tracks. Say no more; I picked up something like five category places (and probably another five in the race overall) in this section, and I didn’t even feel like I was trying.

I love this bridge, it's a good blend of 'rickety' and 'not broken'.

Unfortunately, it turned out I was trying... with three quarters of the race done I exploded. I knew the feeling well, from there to the end it would be all about hanging on and “getting it done” as Nick would say. With the odd morsel of single track keeping me just nourished enough I managed to hold off the places I picked up earlier for quite a while, but finally they all came storming past me at once. Peter Malcolm did the gentlemanly thing at least and slowed enough to have a chat for five minutes before rolling away.

Black and white, like my view of the world at this point.

A few kilometers out from the finish I clawed back a couple of these guys and hopped on the back. We rode along with our heads down for a while, but as the end got closer I couldn’t just sit there any longer. Seeing a piece of single track approaching I figured I’d have a crack at dropping them. I squeezed past with elbows out, doubled a pair of roots to make the point, and disappeared.

Two turns later we were back on fire road with me looking like a total prat. To save face I had no choice but to tear myself apart on the front whilst pretending I was fresh as a daisy. The gloves were clearly off now and the battle for nineteenth place began, ending ten minutes later in a sprint finish. With Shane Roberts and myself recording the same time it could have gone either way, but unfortunately for Shane I had laid a trap hours earlier. My late arrival at the start of the race meant I crossed the start line at the back of the bunch, so the clock started a few seconds later for me than for him, giving me the win (well, the 19th win).

Daggers.

Nick took the above photo at the finish line, and it wasn’t until sometime after this was taken that I registered that he must have smashed me; he had already changed and looked fresh! Unfortunately it turned out that he’d smashed his elbow and his shifter instead and wisely decided that riding the second fifty kilometers with two gears and slightly less skin than he'd like didn’t appeal even to his hardman sensibilities. Well done to Adam for a respectable finish in the middle of a hotly contested Sub-Vets category and a solid demonstration that you really can just have one bike for everything.

The Slayer killed it.

It needs to be said that the few members of the iRide Rocky Mountain team who didn’t show up for this event (ie, basically everybody) missed out. The weather, course, trails, event management, competition and Red Bull chicks were awesome; I’d do it again without hesitation. I'll see you all there next year!

Big Pimpin' Monday - Mario Cipollini

When it comes to big pimps, they don't come bigger than Mario Cipollini.

At the peak of his career, Cipollini's speed was unrivaled, and he is credited with being the first rider with a sprint train. The red jerseys of his Saeco/Cannondale team were commonly seen at the front of the peloton toward the end of the flat Grand Tour stages in the late 1990s. The train kept the pace high in the closing kilometers, to dissuade opposing riders from attacking and to ensure that in the final 200–300 meters, Cipollini was the only cyclist able to maintain the speed.

Cipollini made no secret that he did not like climbing stages, and while he completed all stages of the Giro on many occasions, he infuriated purists by not attempting mountain stages at the Tour or Vuelta. While this is a common practice with sprinters without points jersey aspirations so as to save themselves for the rest of the season, Cipollini's practice of releasing photos of himself lounging at the beach while the others struggled in the mountains earned him more than his fair share of attention in this regard.

Cipollini, despite being married through much of his career, was regarded as a sex symbol and rumored to be a womaniser. He did little to dispel these notions with comments such as, "If I weren't a professional cyclist, I'd be a porn star".

Super Mario, we dip our big ass, fuzzy pimp hat to you sir!

Cross Melburrrrrrrrrrrrrrn!

The Cross Melburn series is being held at Lysterfield park which is traditionally a mountain bike venue but those who tore themselves away from their latte’s, deeply intellectual conversations and left the confines of the inner city were rewarded with a sweet course, cracking weather, good coffee and good people.

The day started early and once again Ben Vlass proved that when it comes to erecting a tent/marquee he is your man. Once setup many coffees were downed while a lot of shit was talked which is the iRide way.

Will and Llew were looking pretty relaxed knowing that Ontario’s under 12 cyclocross champion Ken Moore wasn’t going to be there to cause them any trouble. Will also seemed fresh as having spent the previous day being shown the basics of bike mechanics by Ross he wasn’t able to head out on an easy road ride only to come home 3 hours later fucked because he is always trying to prove he is a heavy hitter.

Ben Vlass was racing in the Open class on his mountain bike this time so he was the first to race, he would have the full “support” of the team from the sideline. Vlass looked good at the start but seemed to lose himself in the middle of the race unlike Andrew Threlfall who was charging through the field once warmed up. 3 quarters into the race Vlass rolled through the starting area looking a little too casual. This prompted Will to throw his almost empty coffee cup at Vlass and make the threat that if he didn’t pick things up next time he rolled through it was going to be a chair coming his way. Wasting a good coffee like that hurt Will but he knew that he needed to be a hero at that moment and take one for the team in order to motivate Vlass. Suffice to say Vlass put in for the rest of the race for a solid finish.

Just as the open class finished Phil Wood and Double Trouble in the form of Simon and David Ross rolled up, so more coffees were downed, more shit was talked and even a few practice laps were done.... well maybe 1 practice lap.

With A grade CX class due to the start soon the boy started warming up Will, Llew and ring in Dan all started rolling around while Ross was warming his voice up for the vocal torture he was about to dish out. Dan got off to his usual flying start while Llew, followed by Will were slightly impeded by a rider who made up for his lack of fitness with an ability to block riders like no other. As soon as the track opened up Will was able to lay down some power. Llew tried to follow Will as he laid down the ponies up the climb on the course but then realized Will was probably going to do his traditional party trick of going out hard to early then blowing up so he let him go. About 3 laps in, Rapha Condor rider Casey Munro and Giant rider Lewis Rattray were going hard at trying to tear each other’s legs off. Lewis made a charge but Casey came back for more. Then in an unfortunate twist of fate, whilst doing 40km/h down a gravel road, Lewis gestured to one of his support crew, hit a bump in the road and went down like Divine Brown on Hugh Grant – it wasn’t pretty. Lewis’ arm was gouged to the bone and full of stones. Needless to say he required surgery that night, and if you're reading this Lewy, heal up tiger!

By the halfway point the race seemed to have sorted itself out into a nice order. Will was showing a pain face like no other whilst running about 6th. Dan was holding strong in second and Llew was running about 8th.Not long after this, Will seemed to be running out of power and slowing down a bit. 7th place was getting closer and closer to him and worst of all he could see the large gap he had on Llew was getting slightly smaller each lap. Will feared he may have gone too hard too soon. After all this is cross, not love making.

At this point is it worth bring up the small steep loose pinch climb on the course. Everyone had to walk up it except Llew who was using a combination of skill and power to ride up it. Fast forward to 3 quarters into the race and Will has 7th place right on his wheel. The crew consisting of Ross, Vlass, half of double trouble and other spectators (mainly ladies who couldn’t resist Will’s musk) were all at the pinch climb. After receiving some vocal “support” from the crew, Will came in and powered his way up the pinch climb using less skill then Llew instead favouring horsepower. In the process of doing it Will got his second wind and rode 7th place off his wheel and was chasing down 6th.

Llew was suffering from the burden of having been the only rider to do the pinch climb every lap and had dropped back to 9th. Dan was still holding strong in 2nd, proving that 2 weeks ago at Dirty Deeds round 3 was a mishap from a guy who generally kicks ass. On the 2nd last lap Will caught 5th place then made sure he put a whole lot of sweet daylight between them. The other boy’s positions stayed the same so in the end Dan got 2nd, Will got 5th and Llew got 9th. A pretty solid outing.

Needless to say, the Jamis Nova's are still running brilliantly and the SRAM running gear matches perfectly. Some may have noticed that the team are now rocking the new Garneau X-Lite helmets. At 190 grams, matched with a skinsuit, it is the closet thing to riding naked without getting your 40" python caught in the chain.

I feel the need for deeds, Dirty Deeds!!

Round 2 of the Dirty Deeds cyclocross series started off pretty normal for Team iRide, Will Geor showed up once the tent was setup and as always it wasn’t his fault he was late. The big shock of the day was Llew Thomas not only showing up before the race started, but he was one of the first of the team to arrive.

New edition to the team Catherine Fraser-Smith was first to go in the open category. Catherine proved the old saying of spin to win is always true, spinning her way to second place in open female with a smile the whole time and somehow staying remarkably clean. Questions would be raised later that night in the Wilkinson/Fraser-Smith household as to who was the more elite athlete.

With all of the Team iRide cyclocross riders in A grade we got to watch the B grade race. After seeing the fast start that B grade got off too it was being mooted by more than one time rider that maybe getting a kebab and going home was a better option.

While most other riders were warming up, Ken Moore went searching for some of the many people who had video camera in the hope of doing a rider interview, but sadly no one seemed too interested in getting an insight into the 4^th placed B grade rider from round 1.

Lining up on the start line it became clear just how big A grade was with over 50 riders, Mikkeli lined up in his preferred front row position with the rest of the team trying to hide in rows two through to four. In the lead up to the action most team members were trying to play it down and put pressure on the others. Ken Moore was spouting his usual line of “I'm just here to have fun” while Will kept going on about how he had a road race the previous day. As soon as the starter yelled go it was on and any notion of taking it easy was out the backdoor along with a few riders who were struggling from the get go.

Mikkeli used his fast start to once again be one of the first riders into the corner only to be held up at the first barrier when Michael Crosbie plowed into the first barrier, giving the rest of the field a 'hello boys' stance on all fours. Needless to say, it would have proven quite valuable for Crosbie to learn how to get off a bike at speed before declaring world domination in the world of CX. Shortly after this Will became the team rider leading the charge sitting in about 20^th position. Will had Llew and Ken nipping at his heels. The race started to spread out over the next 20 minutes and by this point most team riders were in a world of pain that only someone who has raced cyclocross could understand. Head Honcho Ross Wilkinson was using his diesel engine to slowly but surely work his way through the field. One spectator was overhead saying how Ross reminded of him a rugged Jan Ullrich.

10 minutes later Llew bridged the gap to Will, who more than likely would be regretting not exaggerating how hard the road race was he day before in order to provide some excuses. Ken was a little further back after deciding that laying down in a couple of corner would be a nice break.

Whilst this was going on the real battle was between Ross and Ben Vlass who were turning themselves inside out in order to beat the other. Vlass beat Ross in round one which would explain why Ross turned up for round two not saying too much and being all about the business. Ross, covered in 5 laps worth of beer thanks to the boys in the Hell Krew, passed Vlass with a few laps to go with a big turn of speed. Details are sketchy but it appears the mental anguish of being passed caused Vlass too blow harder then a cheap hooker resulting him pulling out with 1 lap to go. DNF remorse will haunt Ben for the next 12 months as he is unable to make Round 3 at Brunswick velodrome.

With one lap to go Will could see he was catching back up to Llew, he was also very fearful that Ken may come outta no where and roll him on the line, pure dirty Canadian style. A painful last lap made sure Ken didn’t make any special appearances and got him onto Llew’s wheel with half a lap to go. Disaster/miracle whichever way you look at it struck when a lapped racer who Llew and Will were passing crashed in a corner allowing Llew to get a gap on Will going into the final quarter of the track. Will chased hard to catch Llew at the start of the finishing straight but a fast finishing Llew held off Will for team glory.

Llew ended up in 24^th place, Will in 25^th, Ken cruised home a little bit later for 26^th. Mikkeli and Ross held their own with 33^rd and 36^th respectively and Vlass stilled managed 43^rd even after having to pull out early.

A massive thanks goes out to Jamis Bicycles and SRAM for supplying some amazing bikes that performed flawlessly in some extremely muddy conditions. Cyclocross is hard work, but this winning combination sure made our day much easier! Look forward to seeing you all at round 3 in August!